JC-NRLF 


THE 

SMOICING 
CAFC 


OF 

UNIVt  ^Sl  1Y 
OF 


Jlw 


SCc*cja~ 


The  Smoking  Gar 

A          FARCE 

By  W.  I).  Howells 


BOSTON  AND   NEW  YORK 

IToughton,  Mlfflin  and 
Company     M  D  c  c  c  c 


COPYRIGHT,  1898,  BY 

FRANK    LESLIE    PUBLISHING    HOUSE 

COPYRIGHT,  IQOO,  BY  W.  D.  HOWELLS 

ALL  RIGHTS   RESERVED 


The  Smoking  -Car 

A  FARCE 


In  the  smoking-car  of  a  surburban  train 
on  the  Boston  and  Albany  Railroad,  in 
the  Albany  Depot  at  Boston.  MR.  ED 
WARD  ROBERTS  is  seated,  deeply  absorbed 
in  a  book  which  he  is  reading.  He  has 
a  pile  of  newspapers  and  magazines  be 
side  him,  and  he  rests  an  absent  hand  on 
them.  The  seat  in  front  is  opened  toward 
him,  and  he  keeps  afoot  against  its  edge 
with  the  effect  of  laying  claim  to  it,  while 
a  YOUNG  MOTHER,  with  a  child  in  her 
arms,  enters  hastily  and  looks  distract 
edly  about.  There  is  no  Qne  else  in  the 

[3] 


M807995 


The  Smoking-Car 


car,  and  after  walking  its  length  she  re 
turns  and  addresses  herself  anxiously  to 
MR.  ROBERTS. 


ROBERTS  AND  THE  YOUNG  MOTHER 

The  Young  Mother:  "Is  this  the 
car  for  Newton  Centre  ?  " 

Roberts,  starting  wildly  from  his 
book  :  "  Newton  Centre  ?  Why,  I  don't 
know ;  I  presume  so  ;  yes.  Yes,  I  think 
so.  I  'm  going  to  Newton  Centre  my 
self.  It  is  the  car  for  Newton  Centre, 
is  n't  it?" 

The  Young  Mother:  "The  brake- 
man  said  it  was." 

Roberts :  "  Oh,  well,  then,  it  must 
be.  Why"  — 


The  Smoking-Car 


The  Young  Mother:  "Because  my 
husband's  coming  to  go  with  me  and 
I  did  n't  want  to  get  into  the  wrong  car. 
He  had  to  run  back  to  the  store  for  some 
things."  She  approaches  Roberts,  and 
looks  down  at  the  seats  before  and  be 
side  him.  "  But  if  you  're  going  there, 
it  must  be  all  right.  Is  this  seat  oc 
cupied  ?  " 

Roberts  :  "  Well,  not  at  present.  I  'm 
expecting  some  friends,  but "  — 

The  Young  Mother :  "  Oh,  well,  all 
right,  then.  Should  you  mind  if  I  put 
my  baby  down  by  you  here  a  min 
ute?" 

fioberts,  reluctantly,  but  more  ab* 
sently  than  reluctantly :  "  Why,  no ;  1 
suppose  not." 

The  Young  Mother,  with  an  air  of 

[5] 


The  Smoking-Car 


explanation  :  "  You  see,  I  've  got  to  go 
and  get  my  bag.  I  had  it  sent  over 
from  the  boat  —  we  just  got  in  this 
morning,  off  the  boat,  you  know  —  the 
Bangor  boat ;  and  it 's  so  heavy  —  I  '11 
have  to  hunt  it  up  at  the  express  office, 
any  way  —  that  it  don't  seem  as  if  I 
could  manage  both  at  the  same  time; 
and  I  don't  know  but  what  I  '11  tele 
graph  to  my  husband's  folks  that  we  've 
got  here,  too.  I  would  n't  ask  to  leave 
her  with  you,  but  there  don't  seem  to  be 
anybody  else  I  can  ask,  and  I  don't  be 
lieve  she  '11  make  you  any  great  trouble. 
May  I  ?  " 

Roberts  :  "  Why,  yes ;  of  course  — 
that  is,  certainly,  if  "  — 

The  Young  Mother:  "Oh,  I  don't 
believe  she  '11  cry,  and  I  shan't  be  gone 

[6] 


The  Smoking-Car 


but  a  minute,  any  way."  Eoberts  does 
not  offer  to  remove  the  papers  at  his 
side,  and  the  young  mother,  after 
smoothing  the  baby's  dress  carefully 
under  her,  puts  her  down  on  top  of 
them.  "Now,  baby,  don't  you  cry. 
Mamma  will  be  back  in  a  minute. 
Good-by !  Good-by !  "  She  retreats  a 
few  steps,  and  flutters  her  hand  at  the 
baby.  "  Goo,  goo  !  Smile  a  little  ! 
Smile  for  the  gentleman  !  There  ! 
She  '11  be  aU  right,  and  I  '11  be  right 
back.  Do  you  know  where  the  bag 
gage-express  office  is  ?  " 

Roberts,  in  a  daze  :  "  It 's  in  the  sta 
tion,  I  think." 

The  Young  Mother:  "Eight  close 
to  the  place  where  the  New  York  train 
stops?" 

[7] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Roberts  :  "  Yes,  yes  —  I  think  so,  I 
believe  so  —  yes,  it  is." 

The  Young  Mother :  "  That 's  what 
the  black  man  that  calls  the  trains  said  ; 
but  I  thought  I  'd  better  make  sure,  be 
cause  there  ain't  much  time  to  lose. 
Don't  you  topple  over,  baby  !  "  She 
runs  forward  and  saves  the  baby  from 
falling  against  the  side  of  the  seat  from 
the  top  of  the  magazines.  "  There ! 
Mamma  just  caught  you,  didn't  she?" 
To  Eoberts :  "  If  you  don't  mind,  I  '11 
just  throw  these  things  on  to  the  seat  in 
front  of  you,  and  then  she  '11  sit  stead 
ier."  She  lifts  the  baby,  and  flings 
Eoberts's  papers  upon  the  other  seat, 
and  then  replaces  the  baby  at  his  side. 
"  Now  she  '11  do  nicely.  I  'm  so  glad  I 
happened  to  think  of  it  before  I  went, 

[8] 


The  Smoking-Car 


for  she  might  have  fallen  forward  just 
as  well  as  sideways;  and  it  —  would 
you  mind  putting  your  hand  round  her 
a  little  mite  so  as  to  keep  her  up  ?  She 
is  so  wiggly !  "  Koberts  glares  stupidly 
up  through  his  glasses  and  she  takes 
hold  of  his  arm  and  passes  it  round  the 
baby.  "  If  you  '11  excuse  me !  There ! 
Now  she  will  do."  She  moves  back 
ward  to  the  door  of  the  car  again,  wav 
ing  her  hand  at  the  baby.  "By-by, 
precious !  Don't  you  be  afraid  !  Mam 
ma  '11  be  back  as  soon  as  she  's  got  her 
bag.  Goo,  goo  !  Goo,  goo  !  "  She  dis 
appears  through  the  door,  but  instantly 
reappears.  "  Do  you  know  how  soon  it 
starts  ?  " 

Roberts,  stupidly:  "What  starts?" 

[9] 


The  Smoking-Car 


The  Young  Mother:  "Why,  the 
car?" 

Roberts :  "  Oh !  Oh,  yes !  The  train ! 
I  don't  know." 

The  Young  Mother  :  "  Does  it  start 
at  half  past  nine,  exactly  ?  " 

^Roberts  •:  "  I  'm  sure,  I  don't  know. 
Yes,  yes  !  I  believe  it  does.  Yes,  my 
friends  were  to  take  the  9.30." 

The  Young  Mother,  laughing :  "  You 
seem  to  be  pretty  easy  for  a  person  that 
was  to  meet  friends.  I  sh'd  been  in  a 
perfect  fidge  to  know  whether  I  'd  got 
the  right  train."  Roberts  makes  no 
response  to  her  remark,  and  a  doubt 
rushes  visibly  into  the  young  mother's 
face.  "You're  sure  it  is  the  car  for 
Newton  Centre  ?  " 

jRoberts,  with  some  spirit :  "  I  think 
[10] 


The  Smoking-Car 


I  said  that  I  was  going  to  Newton  Cen 
tre  myself." 

The  Young  Mother:  "Yes,  that's 
what  you  said.  But  you  might  have 
got  the  wrong  car.  I  guess  it 's  all  right, 
though.  And  you  think  this  is  the  one 
that  goes  at  half  past  nine  ?  " 

Roberts,  looking  mechanically  at  his 
watch :  "  Yes,  yes !  Half  past  nine !  " 

The  Young  Mother :  "  Good  gracious ! 
Is  it  half  past  nine  already  ?  Then  there 
won't  be  time  to  "  — 

Roberts:  "No,  no!  It  isn't  half 
past  nine ;  its  only  ten  minutes  past." 

The  Young  Mother  :  "  Well,  that 's 
nice.  And  this  is  the  half  past  nine 
train  ?  " 

Roberts :  "  Yes,  that 's  what  I  meant." 

The  Young  Mother,  returning  a  few 


The  Smoking-Car 


steps  within :  "  I  questioned  the  black 
man  that  calls  out  the  trains  in  the  wait 
ing-room  pretty  close  up  about  it,  and 
he  said  it  was.  But  he  might  have 
made  a  mistake,  because  he  has  to  keep 
so  many  on  his  mind.  I  asked  him  if 
he  did  n't,  oftentimes ;  but  he  says  that 's 
just  the  reason  he  never  does.  I  told 
him  that  I  should  go  perfectly  dis 
tracted  ;  and  I  cautioned  him  about  my 
husband  coming  to  meet  me  on  the  9  :  30 
train,  and  he  said  there  could  n't  be  any 
mistake  about  it.  Do  you  suppose  there 
could?" 

Roberts  :  "  About  what  ?  " 

The  Young  Mother:  "About  the 
train." 

Roberts:  "Oh,  none  whatever;  not 

[12] 


The  Smoking-Car 


the  least  in  the  world.     It 's  the  train 
for  Newton  Centre,  I  'm  quite  certain." 
The  Young  Mother :  "  The  9:30?" 
Roberts :  "  Yes,  the  9  : 30." 
The    Young  Mother:   "And   what 
time  did  you  say  it  was  now  ?  " 

Roberts :  "  I  'm  sure  I  don't  know." 
The  Young  Mother  :  "  Why,  you  just 
looked  at  your  watch  !  " 

Roberts'.  "Did  I?  I  thought  you 
wanted  to  know  what  train  it  was." 

The  Young  Mother,  after  a  moment's 
doubt,  in  a  burst  of  kindly  perception 
and  confidence  :  "  Well,  I  guess  your 
friends  better  come !  But  it 's  like  John, 
half  the  time,  and  I  guess  most  men  are 
just  so,  if  the  truth  was  known.  It 's  a 
comfort  to  feel  that  you  can  be  trusted 

[13] 


The  Smoking-Car 


in  spite  of  yourselves.  Won't  you  see 
what  time  it  is  again,  please  ?  " 

Roberts,  looking  at  his  watch  again  : 
"  Ten  minutes  after  nine." 

The  Young  Mother,  easily :  "  Oh, 
well,  then  !  "  She  returns  and  pulls  the 
baby's  clothing  straight  over  the  toes  of 
her  small  shoes,  kisses  her,  hugs  her, 
and  kisses  her  again.  "  There  !  Now, 
I  will  go  !  And  if  my  husband  should 
happen  to  come  in  while  I  'm  gone,  will 
you  tell  him  I  'm  just  out  hunting  for 
my  bag?" 

Roberts :  "  Yes,  yes.  I  shan't  for- 
get." 

The   Young  Mother,  in  a  burst  of 

good  feeling  :  "I  guess  I  can  trust  you. 

I  should  like  to  tell  your  wife  about 

your  looking  at  your  watch  for  the  day 

[14] 


The  Smoking-Car 


of  the  week,  if  it 's  her  that 's  coming 
to  meet  you,  and  have  a  real  good  laugh 
with  her."  She  beams  kindly  though 
somewhat  patronizingly  upon  Roberts,  as 
she  retreats  once  more  toward  the  door. 
"  By-by,  baby !  I  '11  be  right  back.  I 
don't  know  but  I  'd  better  tell  her  to 
look  after  you"  She  laughs  toward 
Roberts,  as  if  this  were  a  joke  which 
he  must  enjoy  with  her,  and  vanishes 
through  the  door  of  the  car  just  as  Mr. 
Willis  Campbell  enters  by  the  door  at 
the  other  end.  He  walks  down  the  car 
toward  Roberts,  approaching  him  from 
behind. 


[15] 


The  Smoking-Car 


II 

CAMPBELL  AND  ROBERTS 

Campbell:  "Hello,  Eoberts!  What 
are  you  doing  in  the  smoker?"  He 
leans  over  Roberts  to  put  various  par 
cels  into  the  rack,  without  observing  the 
baby.  "  You  '11  be  taking  to  drink 
next." 

Roberts,  vaguely:  "Is  this  the 
smoker?" 

Campbell :  "  It 's  going  to  be,  as  soon 
as  I  can  light  a  cigar.  But  I  don't 
know  what  you  '11  say  to  Agnes  when 
she  finds  you  here,  wreathed  in  a  cloud 
of  tobacco.  She's  coming  with  Amy, 
isn't  she?" 

Roberts  :  "  Yes,  I  think  she  said  so." 

Campbell :  "  Well,  I  '11  tell  you  what, 
[16] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Eoberts:  you  think  too  much;  you 
ought  to  Jcnow  something.  Now,  even 
/know  that  those  two  women  are  com 
ing  down  here  to  join  us,  and  they  '11  go 
flying  about  like  a  couple  of  distracted 
hens  when  they  don't  find  you.  They  '11 
never  think  of  looking  for  you  here, 
and  they  don't  want  me,  and  they  '11  be 
in  an  awful  flutter." 

Roberts^  anxiously :  "  Perhaps  I  'd 
better  go  into  another  car." 

Campbell :  "  No  ;  this  would  be  a 
good  place  to  have  it  out  with  them. 
There  won't  be  anybody  else  here,  prob 
ably,  and  it  will  be  quite  like  your  own 
fireside.  One  of  the  few  advantages  of 
going  home  with  you  and  Agnes,  when 
you  've  been  in  over  night  with  us,  is 
that  you  can  have  the  smoker  all  to 
[17] 


The  Smoking-Car 


yourself  in  the  morning.  The  commu 
ters  don't  begin  going  out  till  afternoon, 
and  probably  there  won't  be  a  soul  at 
this  hour  to  interrupt  a  family  row. 
Still,  I  don't  know  but  it  would  be 
safest  to  divide  up,  and  you  go  into 
another  car,  as  you  don't  smoke."  He 
continues  to  fit  parcels  into  the  racks  as 
he  talks. 

Roberts:  "Yes;  I  really  think  it 
would,  but  I  don't  know  what  to  do 
with  this  "  —  He  glances  down  at  the 
baby. 

Campbell,  heaving  a  final  bundle  into 
the  rack:  "There!  That 's  done  for." 
He  turns  about  and  follows  Koberts's 
glance.  "Hello!  What's  that?  Why, 
I  was  just  going  to  sit  on  it !  Did  you 
find  it  here  ?  " 

[18] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Roberts :  "  No,  no ;  it  was  left  here 
—  it  was  put  in  my  charge  —  that 
is"  — 

Campbell :  "  Who  left  it  ?  " 

Roberts,  with  spirit :  "Who  left  it? 
Why,  its  mother,  of  course  !  " 

Campbell:  "Its  mother?  Where 
is  she?" 

Roberts  :  "  I  'm  sure  I  don't  know. 
She  went  out  to  get  her  bag  at  the  ex 
press  office,  and  she  '11  be  back  directly." 

Campbell,  sitting  down  in  the  seat 
before  Koberts  and  the  baby,  and  con 
fronting  Roberts  and  the  baby  with  a 
hard,  judicial  aspect :  "  How  long  has 
she  been  gone  ?  " 

Roberts :  "  She  went  out  just  as  you 
came  in.  She  has  n't  been  gone  a  mo 
ment." 

[19] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell :  "  And  she  asked  if  she 
might  leave  the  baby  here  with  you 
while  she  was  gone  ?  " 

Roberts:  "Yes." 

Campbell :  "  And  you  said  she 
might." 

Roberts  :  "  I  could  n't  very  well  re 
fuse.  I  let  her  leave  it,  of  course." 

Campbell :  "  Of  course."  He  re 
lents  so  far  as  to  make  a  silent  inventory 
of  the  baby's  features  and  draperies. 
"  It 's  rather  a  nice  little  thing." 

Roberts,  with  relief  :  "  Yes,  and  it 's 
been  very  good." 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  it  has  n't  had  time 
to  be  bad  yet,  if  its  mother 's  just  gone 
out."  After  a  moment :  "  Besides,  it 's 
probably  drugged." 

Roberts,  in  alarm :  "Drugged?" 
[20] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell :  "  They  usually  drug  them 
when  they  leave  them  that  way." 

Roberts:  "What  do  you  mean  by 
4  leave  them  that  way '  ?  " 

Campbell:  "Oh,  nothing.  Hello ! 
it 's  going  off  !  " 

Roberts^  grappling  with  the  child : 
"  Going  off !  Good  heavens  !  She  was 
afraid  I  should  let  it  fall." 

Campbell :  "  I  don't  mean  that.  It 's 
going  to  sleep;  don't  you  see?  It  is 
drugged !  No  wonder  it  's  so  good. 
"Well,  I  congratulate  you,  Roberts." 

Roberts,  angrily :  "  Congratulate  me  ? 
What  do  you  mean,  Willis  ?  " 

Campbell :  "  I  don't  know  what  Ag 
nes  will  say  to  your   taking  such  a  re 
sponsibility  without  consulting  her,  but 
if  you  would  do  it,  why  I  don't  believe 
[21] 


The  Smoking-Car 


you    could    have    adopted    a    prettier 
child." 

Roberts  :  "  Adopted !  " 

Campbell :  "  Do  you  mean  to  say 
you  did  n't  know  what  you  were  about  ? 
In  this  paragraphic  age,  when  every 
other  day  you  might  read  of  young 
mothers  getting  unwary  strangers  to 
hold  their  babies  a  moment,  and  then 
walking  off  and  never  coming  back,  do 
you  mean  to  tell  me  you  didn't  know 
what  game  that  woman  was  playing  ? 
Well,  you  ought  to  be  left  with  some 
body,  and  I  've  half  a  mind  to  adopt 
you  myself.  That's  all."  He  falls 
back  against  the  seat,  opens  a  news 
paper,  and  makes  a  show  of  reading  it. 
Roberts  leans  forward  and  desperately 
rends  it  from  him. 

[22] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Roberts :  "  Willis,  do  you  suppose  — 
do  you  think  "  — 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  I  let  you  do  the 
thinking.  I  simply  know.  I  don't  go 
beyond  that.  I  leave  thinking  to  men 
of  intellect.  I'm  nothing  but  a  busi 
ness  man." 

Roberts  :  "  And  what  do  you  know  ?  " 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  nothing.  Merely 
that  you  're  in  for  it !  " 

Roberts,  sternly :  "  Do  you  mean  that 
—  that  —  poor  creature  has  abandoned 
her  child,  and  isn't  coming  back  any 
more?" 

Campbell :  "  "Well,  not  if  you  ask  it 
in  that  threatening  way,  my  dear  fellow. 
I  did  n't  put  her  up  to  it." 

Roberts  :  "  Well,  it  's  preposterous ! 
She  could  hardly  tear  herself  from  it. 
[23] 


The  Smoking-Car 


She  came  back  again  and  again,  to  kiss 
it,  and  "  — 

Campbell:  "Oh,  I  dare  say!  The 
natural  feeling  would  assert  itself  at  the 
last  moment.  I  suppose  I  should  do 
just  so  myself  if  I  were  a  mother  and 
meant  to  abandon  my  child.  You 
could  n't  expect  less  of  her." 

Hoberts :  "  But  what  possible  motive 
could  she  have  for  abandoning  her 
child?  Why  should  she  do  such  a 
monstrous  "  — 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  well,  there  are  va 
rious  reasons.  Perhaps  her  husband  had 
abandoned  her  ;  or  she  may  have  been 
a  young  widow  with  no  means  of  sup 
porting  it.  There  are  always  good 
grounds  for  a  mother's  deserting  her  in- 

[24] 


The  Smoking-Car 


fant  when  she  does  do  it.  What  sort 
of  a  looking  person  was  she  ?  " 

Roberts :  "  I  don't  know.  Very  good- 
looking,  I  believe." 

Campbell:  "Oh!" 

Roberts:  "And  young  —  and  nicely 
dressed  —  very  respectable  in  appear 
ance  "  — 

Campbell:  "Ah!" 

Roberts  :  "  And  smiling,  and  "  — 

Campbell :  "  Of  course  ;  she  had  to 
put  that  on,  poor  thing !  It  would  n't 
have  done  to  let  you  see  how  heart 
broken  she  really  was.  That  would  have 
roused  even  your  misgivings.  Was 
she  what  you  would  have  called  a 
lady?" 

Roberts,  thoughtfully:    "Not  —  not 

[25] 


The  Smoking-Car 


exactly :  not  in  the  society  sense,  that 
is.  I  should  say  she  was  a  nice  village 
person  —  the  wife  of  a  prosperous  me 
chanic.  She  spoke  of  her  husband's 
'  folks.'  " 

Campbell:  "Precisely.  Well,  all 
you've  got  to  do  now  is  to  reconcile 
Agnes  to  the  inevitable.  She  '11  come 
round  in  time,  but  of  course  "  — 

Roberts,  with  an  effort  for  lightness  : 
"  Oh,  come  now,  Willis ;  there  's  enough 
of  this.  I  don't  mind  a  joke,  but 
there 's  such  a  thing  as  carrying  it  too 
far." 

Campbell:  "Ah,  that's  what  you 
ought  to  have  said  to  the  unnatural 
mother."  He  leans  forward  and  looks 
closely  at  the  infant.  "  Do  you  suppose 
there's  any  mark  on  its  clothing,  or 
[26] 


The  Smoking-Car 


any  little  note  tucked  in  anywhere  that 
would  form  a  clew  ?  " 

Roberts,  faltering  :  "  I  don't  know. 
I  never  thought  "  — 

Campbell:  "Then,  for  once,  you 
ought  to  have  thought.  Better  look  "  — 

Roberts :  "  But  I  can't.  I  am  afraid 
that  if  I  disturb  her  she  may  "  — 

Campbell:  "Cry?  Very  likely.  But 
you  must  do  something,  you  know. 
Could  n't  you  pass  your  hand  —  I  don't 
believe  you  '11  wake  her  —  softly  over 
her,  and  if  anything  crackles  like  pa 
per  "  —  Eoberts  acts  upon  this  sug 
gestion,  so  far  as  may  be  without 
risk  to  the  child's  tranquillity.  "  No  ! 
All  is  silent.  "Well,  then,  the  only  thing 
is,  should  you  know  the  mother  again  if 
you  saw  her  ?  " 

[27] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Roberts  :  "  I  don't  believe  I  should. 
Would  you  —  would  you  go  out  and 
look  for  her?" 

Campbell:  "But  if  you  wouldn't 
know  her  when  you  saw  her  ?  " 

Roberts:  "That's  true!  But  some 
thing  must  be  done !  What  would  you 
do?" 

Campbell :  "  Why,  if  you  don't  really 
want  to  keep  the  poor  little  thing,  or  if 
you  don't  suppose  Agnes  "  - — 

JKoberts :  "  No,  no  ;  impossible  !  It 
is  n't  to  be  thought  of !  "  He  has  got 
to  his  feet,  and  is  standing  over  Camp 
bell  in  great  excitement,  while  Campbell 
remains  calm. 

Campbell :  "  Then,  I  '11  tell  you  what 
you  can  do,  and  it 's  the  only  thing  you 
can  do.  You  'd  better  take  the  baby, 
[28] 


The  Smoking-Car 


and  run  through  the  crowd ;  and  per 
haps,  if  the  mother  sees  you,  —  she  '11 
be  hanging  about  remorsefully,  —  she 
may  relent  and  want  it  back." 

Roberts,  catching  up  the  child  from 
the  seat :  "  Would  you  —  would  you  — 
try  leaving  it  with  the  brakeman,  first  ? 
He  might  have  noticed  what  sort  of 
looking  person  she  was,  and  "  — 

Campbell,  tolerantly :  "  Yes,  you 
might  try  that."  Koberts  rushes  from 
the  car  with  the  little  one,  while  Camp 
bell  fastens  his  face  to  the  car  window, 
and  expresses  in  vivid  pantomime  his 
pleasure  in  some  spectacle  without.  He 
turns  as  Koberts  recnters  the  car,  with 
the  child  in  his  arms.  "  Well  ?  " 

Roberts,  breathlessly :  "  He  won't  do 
it.  He  says  it  is  n't  his  business  to  look 
[29] 


The  Smoking -Car 


out  for  passengers'  children,  and  I  'd 
better  find  its  mother,  if  I  can  !  " 

Campbell :  "  The  heartless  ruffian ! 
But  you  see,  now,  don't  you?  " 

Roberts  :  "  Yes,  yes !  I  see  !  You  're 
probably  right.  But  what  would  you 
do  now?" 

Campbell :  "  I  don't  see  what 's  left, 
except  to  do  what  the  brakemaii  and  I 
have  advised." 

Roberts  :  "  And  if  I  can't  find  her  ?  " 

Campbell:  "Then  you'll  have  to 
bring  the  baby  back,  and  throw  your 
self  on  Agnes's  mercy.  Or,  hold  on ! 
Yes,  I  think  you  might  try  that ;  you 
might  try  leaving  it  at  the  package 
window.  Very  likely  they  'd  take  charge 
of  it  there,  if  you  checked  it,  and  keep 
it  till  the  mother  called  for  it.  But 
[30] 


The  Smoking-Car 


most  probably  you  '11  find  her,  and  when 
she  sees  that  you  are  determined  not  to 
be  put  upon,  perhaps  "  — 

Roberts  :  "  And  —  and  —  you  don't 
think  it  would  be  better  for  me  to  leave 
the  baby  here  with  you,  and  run  out  and 
look  for  its  mother  myself  ?  " 

Campbell :  "  I  know  it  would  n't. 
The  whole  moral  effect  upon  her  would 
be  lost  without  the  baby.  Besides,  how 
would  you  know  her  ?  You  must  take 
the  baby  for  the  moral  effect  upon  her." 

Roberts,  with  despairing  conviction  : 
"  That  is  true !  "  He  rushes  out  again, 
and  again  Campbell  attaches  himself  to 
the  window,  while  from  the  other  end  of 
the  car  Mrs.  Eoberts  and  Mrs.  Camp 
bell  advance  falteringly  and  doubtfully 
toward  him,  with  many  diffident  looks 
[31] 


The  Smoking-Car 


to  the  right  and  left.  They  seem  to 
decide  simultaneously  that  the  figure  at 
the  window  is  Campbell,  for  they  start 
vividly  forward. 


Ill 

MBS.  ROBERTS,  MRS.  CAMPBELL,  AND 
CAMPBELL 

Mrs.  Campbell:  "Willis!" 
Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Where  is  Edward  ? 
We  've    been    all    through    the  train, 
and"  — 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  We  can't  find  him 
anywhere.  We  knew  we  should  find 
you  in  the  smoking-car,  and  so  I  brought 
Agnes  right  in.  Haven't  you  seen 
him?" 

[32] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell:  "Why,  certainly.  Haven't 
you  ?  "  He  turns  and  faces  them  hardily. 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Of  course  we 
haven't.  Do  you  think  we'd  ask  if 
we  had?" 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  What  do  you  mean, 
Willis?  Has  he  been  here?" 

Campbell :  "  Yes,  I  thought  you  must 
have  met  him.  He  has  n't  been  gone  a 
moment.  He 's  just  gone  out  with  the 
baby." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "The  baby?  What 
baby?" 

Campbell:  "That's  just  what  Kob- 
erts  is  going  to  find  out  if  he  can.  He  's 
looking  for  the  mother." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Willis,  dear,  don't 
tease!  What  do  you  mean  by  the 
mother  ?  " 

[333 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell :  "  What  does  anybody 
mean  by  the  mother  ?  The  mother  of 
the  baby.  Roberts  is  out  looking  for 
the  mother  who  left  the  baby.  Isn't 
that  plain  enough  ?  " 

Mrs.  Campbell,  pouncingly:  "No, 
Willis,  that  is  not  enough !  And  I 
want  you  to  stop  your  teasing,  and 
tell  us  what  you  mean  by  a  mother  leav 
ing  her  baby.  Where  did  she  leave 
it?" 

Campbell:  "Here." 
Mrs.  Campbell:  "When?" 
Campbell:  "  About  ten  minutes  ago." 
Mrs.  Campbell:  "What  for?" 
Campbell:  "Ah,  there  you  have  me." 
Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Willis,  if  you  don't 
answer  me,  I  shall  make  a  scene  and 
disgrace  you  before  the  whole  car.     I 
[34] 


The  Smoking-Car 


am  not  going  to  be  trifled  with  any 
longer." 

Campbell :  "  I  don't  blame  you,  Amy. 
I  should  n't  like  it  myself.  As  long  as 
there  's  nobody  but  Agnes  in  the  car  I 
shan't  mind  your  making  a  scene,  and  as 
we  're  likely  to  have  the  smoker  to  our 
selves  on  a  9 :  30  train,  why  not  sit  down 
and  wait  here  till  Koberts  gets  back  ?  " 

Mrs.  Campbell,  firmly :  "  No,  we  shall 
not  sit  down,  or  anything,  till  you  ex 
plain  yourself.  Now,  don't  go  on  with 
that  nonsense  about  the  mother  and  the 
baby,  because  we  won't  stand  it." 

Campbell :  "  Then  what  shall  I  go 
on  with?" 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Oh,  go  on  with  any 
thing,  Willis !  " 

Campbell :  "  Very  well,  then,  all  that 
[35] 


The  SmoMng-Car 


I  can  say  is  that  I  found  Koberts  here, 
five  minutes  ago,  in  charge  of  a  baby — 
or  child  of  a  year  —  which  he  said  had 
been  left  with  him  by  its  mother,  while 
she  went  out  to  look  up  her  baggage  at 
the  express  office." 

Both  Ladies:  "Well?" 

Campbell :  "  Well,  after  a  few  mo 
ments'  conversation  with  me  he  took  the 
child  and  went  out  to  look  up  the  mo 
ther." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  But  why  did  he  do 
that?" 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Why  did  n't  he  sim 
ply  wait  till  she  came  back  ?  " 

Campbell :  "  Perhaps  he  thought  she 
was  n't  coming  back." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Oh,  nonsense,  Wil 
lis!" 

[36] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell :  "  Oh,  very  well !  " 

Mrs.  Campbell,  visibly  shaken : 
"They  really  do  it  sometimes,  Agnes. 
I  've  read  about  it  myself.  But "  — 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Well,  they  never  do 
it  in  the  world.  It  does  n't  stand  to 
reason,  Amy.  If  Willis  were  a  mother 
himself  he  would  n't  even  suggest  such 
a  thing ! " 

Mrs.  Campbell,  with  conviction  :  "  Of 
course  he  would  n't.  And  if  this  is  one 
of  his  miserable  jokes  "  — 

Campbell :  "  Well,  I  don't  pretend  to 
be  a  mother,  but  I  hope  I  understand 
the  feelings  of  a  man,  and  I  assure  you 
that  I  wouldn't  joke  on  such  a  sub 
ject." 

Mrs.  Campbell:  "  Then  what  are  you 
joking  about  ?  " 

[37] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell :  "  I  am  not  joking  at  all." 
Mrs.  Roberts,  visibly  daunted:  "I 
can't  believe  the  wretched  creature 
would  really  do  it.  Why  did  n't  you  ask 
the  brakeman  if  he  had  noticed  where 
she  went  ?  " 

Campbell :  "  Well,  that 's  what  Rob- 
erts  did,  and  he  wanted  to  leave  the 
baby  with  him,  but  the  brakeman  said 
he  had  better  find  the  mother  himself  — 
if  he  could.  Roberts  came  back  to  re 
port,  and  then  he  went  out  again.  I 
suppose  if  he  can't  find  her,  you  11  have 
to  keep  it,  Agnes.  It 's  a  pretty  little 
creature,  and  it  seemed  good.  Hello! 
Here  it  comes,  bringing  Roberts  with 
it !  "  Roberts  enters  the  car  flustered 
and  dazed,  with  the  signs  of  anxiety 
and  disappointment  filling  his  face,  and 
[38] 


The  Smoking-Car 


drops  of  perspiration  starting  from  his 
brow.     "  Well,  where  was  she  ?  " 

IV 

ROBERTS    AND    THE    OTHERS 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Did  you  find  her  ? 
What  did  she  say?" 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Why  did  n't  you 
leave  the  baby  with  her  ?  " 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Why  did  n't  she 
come  back  with  you  ?  " 

Roberts,  frantically :  "  Because  I 
did  n't  find  her.  I  've  been  to  the  ex 
press  office  and  everywhere." 

Campbell,  to  Mrs.  Roberts :  "  You 
see!" 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  But  you  must  find 
her,  Edward ! " 

[39] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell :  "  Did  you  try  leaving  it 
at  the  package  window  ?  " 

Roberts:  "No;  I  couldn't  quite 
bring  myself  to  that.  " 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Of  course  you 
could  n't !  And  nobody  but  Willis 
could  have  the  heart  to  suggest  such  an 
inhuman  thing.  The  package  window !  " 
She  drops  on  one  knee  before  Roberts, 
who  sits  supporting  the  baby  in  his  lap, 
and  begins  to  study  it.  "Poor  little 
creature !  How  good  it  is ;  and  it 's 
perfectly  lovely,  with  those  big  blue 
eyes  ;  and  it 's  as  clean  as  a  pin.  Why, 
it 's  charming,  and  it  is  n't  the  least 
afraid.  Just  see  it,  Agnes !  " 

Campbell :  "  Yes,  Roberts  said  its 
mother  had  beautiful  eyes  and  an  attrac 
tive  smile,  and  was  nicely  dressed.  He 
[40] 


The  Smo king-Car 


seemed  to  have  noticed  everything  about 
her." 

Mrs.  Campbell,  still  considering  the 
baby :  "  You  can  see  what  a  good  mo 
ther  she  is.  Of  course  she  is  n't  rich, 
but  it 's  all  the  better  cared  for  on  that 
account.  She  has  n't  left  it  to  any  hor 
rid  shirk  of  a  nurse.  It  's  as  sweet  as 
a  little  pink,  is  n't  it,  Agnes  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts,  leaning  forward  in  some 
distraction :  "  Oh,  yes ;  it  shows  the 
mother's  touch.  Was  she  young,  Ed 
ward?" 

Roberts :  "  I  don't  know  —  I  think 
so  —  I  didn't  notice  —  quite  girlish,  I 
should  say.  She  kept  coming  back  to 
take  leave  of  it." 

Campbell :  "  I  tell  him  that  was  the 
remorse  working  in  her." 
[41] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Nonsense  !  She 
never  meant  to  leave  it  in  the  world." 

Campbell :  "  Then  why  does  n't  she 
come  back  ?  "  It 's  twenty  minutes  past 
nine,  now." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Very  well,  then  ; 
something  has  happened  to  her !  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Oh,  something  must 
have  happened  to  her.  Why  does  n't 
some  one  go  out  and  look  for  her  ?  It 
seems  so  terrible  for  us  to  be  keeping 
her  baby  here  and  not  knowing  what  has 
happened  to  her." 

Campbell :  "  But  if  nothing  has  hap 
pened  "  — 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Don't  hint  such  a 
thing.  You  know  there  has.  You  ought 
to  go  out  and  see !  " 

Campbell:  "I?  Eoberts  ought  to 
[42] 


The  SmoMng-Car 


go  and  see.     I  should  n't  know  her  if  I 
found  her." 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Oh,  do  go,  Willis ! 
Poor  Edward  is  all  worn  out.  Look  at 
him  !  "  Koberts  has  fallen  back  in  ex 
treme  dejection  and  exhaustion,  and  he 
supports  the  baby  on  his  knee  with  so 
lax  a  hand  that  it  topples  forward.  The 
ladies  scream,  and  Campbell  catches  it 
from  him. 

Campbell :  "  Look  what  you  're  about, 
Roberts !  You  're  not  fit  to  have  an 
abandoned  child  left  with  you.  Bless 
my  soul,  it  's  off  again ! " 

The  Ladies:  "Off?" 

Campbell:  "Yes,  it's  going  to 
sleep." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  So  it  is,  poor  little 
forsaken  soul !     Let  me  take  it." 
[43] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Mrs.  Roberts :  "  The  little  darling  !  " 
As  Mrs.  Campbell  possesses  herself  of 
the  baby  :  "  Be  careful,  Amy !  " 

Campbell:  "It  was  asleep  when 
Eoberts  went  out  with  it.  Roberts 
thinks  it 's  drugged." 

Roberts  :  "  No,  no,  Willis  ;  you  sug 
gested  that.  Though  it  is  strange  it 
sleeps  so  much.  She  said  they  were 
right  off  the  boat,  and  perhaps  they 
did  n't  sleep  well  during  the  night." 

Mrs.  Campbell,  pressing  her  face 
into  the  baby's :  "  To  be  sure  they 
did  n't,  poor  things !  " 

Campbell :  "  And  the  mother  may 
have  fallen  asleep  in  the  express  office 
with  her  bag  in  her  arms.  That  would 
account  for  her  not  coming  back." 

Mrs.  Campbell,  not  minding  him  : 
[44] 


The  Smoking-Car 


"  If  she  does  n't  come  back  I  shall  keep 
it  myself." 

Campbell :  "  Not  if  I  know  it,  Mrs. 
Campbell.  That  baby  is  my  property." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "But  if  her  mother 
left  her  with  Edward  "  — 

Campbell :  "  It  was  because  I  had  n't 
come  in  yet.  She  'd  never  have  left  her 
with  Roberts  if  she  'd  seen  me.  What 
shall  we  call  her,  Amy  ?  " 

Mrs.  Campbell:  "No,  no!  We 
must  n't  think  of  it,  till  we  've  left  no 
stone  unturned.  You  must  go  out  and 
look  for  her,  Willis,  arud  if  you  don't 
find  her  "  — 

Campbell :  "  But  have  n't  I  told  you 
that  I  should  n't  know  her  if  I  saw  her  ?  " 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  It  does  n't  matter 
about  your  not  knowing  her.  She  '11 
[45] 


The  Smoking-Car 


know  you  if  you  have  the  baby  with 
you." 

Campbell :  "  Have  the  baby  with  me  ? 
Ha,  ha,  ha !  I  think  I  see  myself  run 
ning  about  with  a  baby  in  my  arms  ask 
ing  people  for  its  mother  !  " 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  You  made  Edward 
do  it." 

Campbell :  "  That  was  another  thing. 
She  left  it  with  him." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  But  you  said  she 
would  have  left  it  with  you  if  she  had 
seen  you  first,  and  now  you  must  take 
it."  She  tries  to  push  it  into  his  arms. 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  come,  now  !  You 
don't  want  to  make  me  ridiculous, 
Amy!" 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  You  would  n't  really 
be  ridiculous.  I'm  sure  that  any  one 
[46] 


The  Smoking-Car 


who  saw  you,  and  knew  what  you  were 
doing  to  save  a  poor  woman  from  de 
spair,  would  praise  you  up  to  the  skies 
for  it." 

Roberts  :  "  I  really  think  you  could 
manage  it  better  than  I,  Willis ;  you 
are  so  ready,  and  you  know  how  to  take 
people  so  cleverly.  Nobody  would  think 
of  making  a  joke  of  you." 

Campbell:  "  Oh  would  n't  they  ! " 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  And  if  they  did, 
it  ought  n?t  to  make  the  least  difference 
to  you.  You  ought  to  be  glad  of  it. 
And,  at  any  rate,  you've  got  to  go." 
She  makes  him  take  the  child  from 
her. 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Yes,  Willis,  you 
must !  Poor  Edward  is  perfectly  gone." 

Campbell:  "Well,  so  am  I."  He 
[47] 


The  Smoking-Car 


suddenly  drops  the  baby  into  Koberts's 
lap,  and  makes  a  start  toward  the  door. 
The  two  ladies  fling  themselves  in  his 
way  with  one  cry  of  protest  and  de 
spair. 

Mrs.  Roberts  and  Mrs.  Campbell: 
"Willis!" 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  You  won't  refuse 
such  a  little  thing,  Willis  !  " 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  If  he  does,  I  will 
never  speak  to  him  again !  " 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  very  well,  then,  if 
it  comes  to  that!  Here,  give  her  to 
me."  He  seizes  the  baby  from  Eoberts 
and  dashes  from  the  car,  laughing. 

V 

MRS.  CAMPBELL,  MRS.  ROBERTS,  ROBERTS 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  There,  I  knew  he 
[48] 


The  Smoking-Car 


would,  if  we  could  only  appeal  to  his 
better  nature." 

Mrs.  Campbell:  "I  hope  it's  his 
better  nature.  But  I  did  n't  like  his 
laughing'." 

Roberts:  "That  may  have  been 
merely  nervous;  it  made  me  nervous. 
But  Willis  manages  these  things  so 
well ;  he 's  so  full  of  resource.  I  feel 
quite  sure  he  '11  find  her." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  pressing  to  the  window 
and  looking  out:  "He's  disappeared 
already !  I  should  n't  like  to  look  for 
any  one  in  that  crowded  station.  He  is 
energetic." 

Mrs.    Campbell,  joining  her :    "  He 

knew  that   I  was   in   earnest.     But   I 

don't  want  to  make  him  feel  ridiculous. 

If  I  'd  thought  he  really  cared  —     But 

[49] 


The  Smoking-Car 


something  had  to  be  done,  and  done 
instantly.  Did  they  laugh  at  you,  Mr. 
Koberts?" 

Roberts :  "  Well,  I  can't  say  laugh, 
exactly.  No,  I  don't  think  I  could  say 
they  laughed  outright.  But  when  I  ran 
about,  and  asked  if  they  had  seen  any 
body —  any  lady — who  had  left  her 
baby  with  a  gentleman  in  the  smoking- 
car,  while  she  went  out  to  look  up  her 
bag  at  the  express  office,  they  smiled." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  I  suppose  it  did 
amuse  them ;  men  are  so  peculiar.  I 
hope  I  was  n't  too  precipitate  with  poor 
Willis.  But  I  knew  that  he  could  do 
something  if  he  was  forced  to  it." 

Roberts  :  "  Yes,  he  '11  come  out  of  it 
all  right,  with  his  tact  and  invention. 
He  '11  find  her,  easily  enough." 
[50] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Mrs.  Roberts,  hi  a  transport^  of  tri 
umph  :  "  He  has  found  her !  There  he 
is,  coming  back,  without  the  baby  I  " 

Mrs.  Campbell:  "Where?  Oh, yes; 
I  see  him !  I  do  believe  he  has  found 
her  ;  and  now  I  owe  him  any  reparation 
that  he  chooses  to  ask.  I  '11  confess  that 
I  was  wrong  to  send  him.  He  is  good, 
is  n't  he,  Agnes  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "He's  beautiful! 
And  you  are  just  the  wife  for  him,  Amy. 
You  do  appreciate  him." 

Roberts  :  "  Willis  is  magnificent.  I 
envy  him  his  executive  ability." 

All  Three,  as  Campbell  enters  the 
car,  turning  from  the  window :  "Well  ?  " 


[51] 


The  Smoking-Car 


VI 

CAMPBELL  AND  THE  OTHERS 

Mrs.   Campbell :    "  Where   did  you 

find  her?" 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  What  did  she  say  ?  " 
Roberts :  "  How  did  you  know  her?  " 
Campbell :  "  Nowhere  ;  and  nothing ; 

and  I  did  n't." 

Mrs.    Campbell :    "  Then   what   did 

you  do  ?  " 

Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Where  is  the  baby  ?  " 
Roberts :  "  How  did  you  get  rid  of 

it?" 

Campbell :  "  The  way  you  ought  to 

have  done,  my  dear  fellow.     I  left  it 

with  the  matron  —  or  whatever  she  is 

—  of  the  ladies'  waiting-room." 
[52] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Mrs.  Roberts  :  "  Oh  Willis  !  " 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  And  here  we  had 
been  praising  you  so,  and  I  was  sorry 
that  I  had  made  you  go !  Well,  that  is 
what  I  get  for  ever  regretting  that  I 
treated  you  badly." 

Roberts  :  "  You  think  it  will  occur  to 
the  mother  to  inquire  of  the  matron  "  — 

Campbell :  "  She  won't  make  any 
inquiries!  Or  if,  by  one  chance  in  a 
thousand,  she  wants  her  baby  again,  and 
makes  a  row  for  it  after  our  train  's 
gone,  the  matron  is  the  very  first  person 
she  '11  be  sent  to.  I  thought  it  all  out. 
In  the  other  event,  it  will  be  handed 
over  to  the  proper  authorities  and  sent 
to  the  Derelict  Infants'  Home  —  or 
something.  At  any  rate,  it's  off  our 
hands." 

[53] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Indeed  it  is  n't. 
If  she  does  n't  come  for  her  baby,  I  'm 
going  to  keep  it  myself." 

Campbell:  "You?  Why  you're 
worse  than  Eoberts." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  I  don't  care  who 
I  'm  worse  than.  Agnes  does  n't  want 
it,  for  she  's  got  children  of  her  own,  and 
so  you  may  go  straight  and  bring  it  back 
here.  Do,  Willis  !  I  'm  truly  in  ear 
nest.  If  that  poor  thing  should  come 
here  for  her  baby  before  you  brought  it 
back,  I  don't  know  what  I  should  say  to 
excuse  you." 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  I  could  trust  you  to 
think  of  something." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Don't  tease,  dear 
est,  and  do  run  !  " 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Yes,  Willis,  you 
[54] 


The  Smoking -Car 


must.  It  would  be  shocking  to  have 
her  come  for  it,  and  we  have  to  make 
some  sort  of  lame  explanation.  Hurry 
as  fast  as  you  can.  It  must  be  nearly 
train  time." 

Roberts^  looking  at  his  watch :  "  Yes,. 
it 's  five  minutes  of  it.  But  that  's 
plenty  of  time  for  Willis  —  if  he  does  n't 
delay." 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  hello !  Don't  you 
join  in,  Roberts.  It  was  you  who  got 
us  all  into  this  trouble,  and  now  I  'm 
going  to  let  you  go  and  get  the  baby 
from  the  matron  yourself.  There's 
plenty  of  time  for  you,  if  you  don't 
stand  here  dilly-dallying." 

Roberts  :  "  But  the  matron  would  n't 
know  me,  and  she  wouldn't  give  it  to 
me." 

[55] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell :  "  I  guess  she  '11  give  it  to 
anybody  that  asks  for  it." 

Mrs.  Campbell:  "Very  well,  then 
I  '11  go  for  it  myself.  After  this,  don't 
pretend  that  you  have  the  least  regard 
for  me.  Don't  try  to  stop  me  !  " 

Campbell,  interposing  himself  be 
tween  his  wife  and  the  door :  "  Only 
over  my  prostrate  form,  Amy.  I  'm  go 
ing.  Your  reasoning  has  convinced  me  ; 
but  you  know  that  if  we  adopt  this  child 
I  am  not  going  to  take  care  of  it." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  No,  no,  Willis.  I 
shall  never  ask  you.  I  assume  the 
whole  responsibility.  Oh,  how  sweet 
you  are !  You  always  come  round  in  the 
end." 

Campbell :  "  I  always  listen  to  rea 
son,  even  when  I  'm  going  to  make  a 
[56] 


The  Smoking-Car 


fool  of  myself.  But  suppose  some 
body  's  got  it  away  from  the  matron 
on  false  pretences,  and  I  can't  bring 
it?" 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Don't  come  back 
without  it ! " 

Campbell:  "Oh,  very  well."  He 
rushes  out. 

VII 

MRS.  CAMPBELL,  MRS.  ROBERTS,  ROBERTS 

Mrs.  Campbell,  watching  him  through 
the  window :  "  He  did  hate  to  go ! " 
Turning  to  Mrs.  Roberts  :  "Perhaps 
I  Ve  been  rash,  Agnes." 

Mrs.  ^Roberts :  "  No,  not  in  the  least, 
Amy.  I  should  have  been  just  so  with 
Edward,  and  he  would  have  hated  it 
[57] 


The  Smoking-Car 


quite  as  much  as  Willis ;  would  n't  you, 
Edward?" 

Roberts :  "  Oh,  quite.  It  would  have 
been  extremely  disagreeable." 

Mrs.  Campbell:  "Then  I  wish  you 
had  spoken  before,  Mr.  Roberts.  I 
did  n't  want  to  treat  Willis  worse  than 
Agnes  would  have  treated  you.  I  am 
sure  we  have  both,  Willis  and  I,  tried 
to  consider  you  in  the  matter." 

Roberts :  "Of  course.  You  cer 
tainly  have,  and  I  am  very  grateful  for 
your  kindness.  But  you  know  I  did  n't 
like  to  interfere,  exactly." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  Edward  is  always 
very  careful  in  such  matters." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Oh,  I  am  sure  he 
meant  well.  But  if  Willis  had  been  in 
his  place  and  you  in  mine,  I  think  Willis 
[58] 


The  Smoking-Car 


would  have  said  something  to  stop  me  — 
or  you,  I  mean." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  I  hope  you  don't 
blame  poor  Edward,  Amy,  if  you  have 
been  a  little  harsh  with  Willis." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Then  you  think  I 
have  been  harsh  !  Well,  I  must  say  I 
did  n't  expect  this  of  you,  Agnes,  when 
I  was  doing  it  all  to  relieve  Edward  of 
a  difficulty." 

Mrs.  Roberts :  "  You  know  I  did  n't 
mean  to  reproach  you,  Amy." 

Roberts  :  "  And  we  both  thoroughly 
appreciate  what  you  and  Willis  have 
done.  I'm  sure  I  don't  know  what 
would  have  become  of  me  without  your 
help  — or  his." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Oh,  I  assume 
nothing  for  myself."  She  takes  out  her 
[59] 


The  Smoking-Car 


handkerchief  and  wipes  her  eyes  with 
a  swift  dash,  and  then  runs  it  back 
into  her  pocket.  "Don't  regard  me, 
please  !  But  I  wish  the  next  time  you 
think  I  am  making  Willis  make  a  fool 
of  himself,  you  would  n't  hesitate  to 
say  so." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  glancing  out  of  the 
window :  "  There  !  There  he  is  com 
ing  back." 

Mrs.  Campbell,  springing  to  the  win 
dow  beside  her:  "Don't  tell  me  he 
is  n't  bringing  the  baby !  Yes,  yes ! 
He  's  got  it.  And  now  I  forgive  him 
everything.  I'm  sure  I  don't  know 
what  we  shall  do  with  it." 

Mrs.  Roberts:  "Why,  I  thought 
you  wanted  to  adopt  it,  Amy." 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Not  if  it 's  been 
[60] 


The  Smoking-Car 


the  cause  of  my  making  Willis  make  a 
fool  of  himself.  I  should  always  detest 
the  sight  of  it."  She  turns  to  encounter 
her  husband,  as  he  enters  the  car,  red 
and  perspiring,  with  the  child  in  his 
arms.  "  Had  she  come  for  it  ?  Did  the 
matron  give  it  up  willingly  ?  Were  you 
very  ridiculous,  Willis  ?  Did  she  laugh 
at  you  ?  What  did  you  say  to  her  ?  " 

VIII 

CAMPBELL,   AND   THE    OTHERS 

Campbell,  sinking  breathless  into  the 
seat  beside  her ;  "  One  thing  at  a  time, 
my  dear,  and  nothing  till  I  've  got  my 
wind."  He  pursues,  panting  :  "  There 
had  n't  been  any  rush  for  her,  not  even 
on  the  part  of  the  unnatural  mother, 
[61] 


The  Smoking-Car 


and  I  dare  say  I  was  more  a  fool  than  I 
looked." 

Mrs.  Roberts,  fondly  and  proudly: 
"  Oh,  you  couldn't  be,  Willis,  dear  !  " 

Campbell :  "  Thank  you,  Agnes,  you 
are  always  so  flattering.  But  the  main 
point  is  that  I  got  the  baby  back  for 
you,  and  here  it  is,  Amy,  and  the  sooner 
you  take  it  —  Hello !  "  They  all  start 
into  listening  postures,  while  an  excited 
and  anxious  woman's  voice  makes  it 
self  heard  from  without  in  apparent 
parley  with  the  brakeman  on  the  plat 
form  :  — 

The  Woman9 s  Voice :  "  Is  this  the 
half  past  nine  o'clock  train  for  Newton 
Centre?" 

The  Brakeman 's  Voice  :  "  Well,  for 
that  and  about  twenty  other  places." 
[62] 


The  Smoking-Car 


The  Woman's  Voice:  "The  half 
past  nine  ?  " 

The  Brcikemaris  Voice:  "Yes, 
ma'ain." 

The  Woman's  Voice :  "  You  're  sure 
it  has  n't  gone  ?  " 

The  Brakemarfs  Voice:  "Well,  I 
won't  be,  in  about  two  minutes." 

The  Woman's  Voice :  "  Oh,  my  gra 
cious  !  Which  is  the  smoking-car  ?  " 

The  Brakemarfs   Voice :  "  This  is." 

The  Woman's  Voice:  "And  was 
there  a  lady,  here,  about  half  an  hour 
ago,  that  came  out  and  told  you  she  had 
left  her  baby  in  the  car  with  a  strange 
gentleman,  and  asked  you  whether  you 
thought  it  would  be  safe,  and  said  she 
would  be  back  in  about  a  minute,  and 
asked  you  to  tell  her  just  how  soon  the 
[63] 


The  Smoking-Car 


train  started,  and  said  she  was  going  to 
get  her  bag  at  the  express  office,  and 
asked  you  if  you  would  look  in  now  and 
then  and  see  how  the  baby  was  getting 
along,  and  asked  how  she  should  know 
the  car  again,  and  ,you  said  it  was  the 
smoking-car,  and  she  would  know  it  by 
that,  and  "  — 

The  Brakeman's  Voice:  "Yes, 
ma'am." 

The  Woman's  Voice  :  "  Goodness  ! 
Then  there  ain't  a  minute  to  lose ! " 

Campbell :  "  The  unnatural  mother  ! 
What  are  you  going  to  say  to  her  when 
she  comes  in  to  rob  you  of  your  adop 
tive  child?" 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  I  shall  know  what 
to  say.  I  hope  you  will." 

Campbell :  "  I  hope  Roberts  will." 
[64] 


The  Smoking-Car 


IX 

THE  YOUNG  MOTHER,  AND  THE  OTHERS 

The  Young  Mother,  at  the  door, 
peering  down  the  aisle  till  she  catches 
sight  of  the  baby,  which  Campbell  has 
expeditiously  transferred  to  Koberts's 
knee,  and  then  running  toward  the 
group :  "  Oh,  there  were  so  many,  was 
afraid  I  never  should  get  to  the  right 
one.  But  it  is  the  car,  and  there  you 
are,  baby,  as  bright  as  a  biscuit !  Did 
you  think  mamma  had  forgotten  her 
precious  ?  Oh,  you  darling !  "  She 
catches  the  baby  from  Campbell,  and 
crushes  it  to  her  breast  and  face ;  and 
then  turns  to  Roberts :  "  I  don't  know 
what  you  '11  think  of  my  being  gone  so 
[65] 


The  Smoking-Car 


long,  but  I  have  had  such  a  time! 
First  off,  I  thought  I  'd  telegraph  to  his 
folks  that  we'd  got  here  safe,  but  I 
could  n't  seem  to  find  the  right  place  to 
send  the  dispatch  to  very  easy  —  they 
live  back  in  the  country,  a  little  ways 
—  and  then  after  I  got  it  off,  I  went  to 
the  express  office  for  my  bag,  and  lo ! 
and  behold  it  wasn't  there,  and  they 
said  the  baggage  from  the  Bangor  boat 
wasn't  in  yet,  and  I  thought  I  should 
go  through  the  floor ;  and  who  should  I 
see  but  John  himself,  just  about  as  wild 
as  I  was,  looking  for  me  and  baby  ;  and 
he 's  gone  back  to  look  after  my  bag  on 
the  boat,  and  we  've  concluded  to  stay 
till  he  gets  it.  He  said  he  'd  been  all 
through  the  cars  looking  for  baby  and 
me,  and  he  could  n't  find  us." 
[66] 


The  Smoking-Car 


Campbell :  "  He  probably  did  n't 
look  into  the  smoking-car." 

The  Young  Mother  :  "  Well,  there, 
I  guess  you  're  right ;  and  I  don't 
know  as  I  blame  him  any,  for  I  did  n't 
intend  to  get  into  it  myself,  and  the 
gentleman  here  "  —  she  nods  down  at 
Roberts  —  "  did  n't  tell  me  it  was  a 
smoking-car  when  I  left  baby  with  him, 
and  "  - 

Campbell :  "  Oh,  that 's  just  his  way. 
He  didn't  know  it  himself." 

The  Young  Mother  :  "  Well,  he  did 
seem  pretty  absent-minded,  so 't  I 
did  n't  feel  exactly  right  about  leaving 
baby  with  him,  but  I  had  to  leave  her 
with  somebody,  and  "  — 

Campbell :  "  You  could  n't  have 
chosen  better." 

[67] 


The  Smoking-Car 


The  Young  Mother  :  "  I  'm  sure  I  'm 
ever  so  much  obliged  "  — 

Campbell :  "  Don't  mention  it ;  we  've 
all  helped  —  my  wife  here,  and  my  sis 
ter  —  and  we  've  all  taken  such  a  fancy 
to  your  baby  "  — 

Mrs.  ^Roberts :  "  Yes,  indeed !  Such 
a  good  little  thing !  " 

Mrs.  Campbell :  "  Perfect  little  an 
gel!" 

Campbell :  "  We  almost  hoped  you 
would  n't  come  back  for  it,  and  we  were 
just  quarreling  about  which  family  it 
belonged  to  when  you  came  in." 

The  Young  Mother  :  "  Well,  I  guess 
when  I  tell  John  that  he  '11  be  ashamed 
of  the  way  he  talked  to  me  about  leavin' 
it  with  a  perfect  stranger.  But  I  see  by 
the  gentleman's  looks  that  it  would  be 
[68] 


The  Smoking-Car 


all  right,  and  so  I  told  John.  I  hope 
he  did  n't  think  I  was  never  coming 
back,  by  the  way  I  stayed." 

Campbell:  "Not  for  an  instant! 
He  's  a  brother-in-law  of  mine,  and  I 
took  him  in  hand  as  soon  as  I  came  into 
the  car,  and  we  said  we  knew  you  'd  be 
right  back,  and  if  you  did  n't  come  be 
fore  the  train  left  we  'd  get  off." 

The  Young  Mother :  "  Well,  I  wish 
you  good  morning !  And  if  any  of  you 
do  ever  come  down  Bangor  way  "  — 

The  Brakeman's  Voice,  without: 
"All  aboard!" 

The  Young  Mother,  vanishing 
through  the  door :  "  Oh,  my  good 
gracious,  I  shall  get  left,  after  all !  " 

Campbell,  as  the  car  starts  :  "  Well, 
Roberts  lied  us  out  of  that  pretty  well, 
[69] 


The  Smoking-Car 


did  n't  he?"  He  puts  his  arm  across 
Roberts's  shoulders.  "  But  he  saved  the 
mother's  feelings  by  it;  and  I  shall 
never  think  the  worse  of  you  for  your 
fibs,  old  feUow !  " 

[70] 


Electrotyped  and  printed  by  H.  O.  H ought  on  6f  Co. 
Cambridge,  Mass,  U.S.A. 


Plays  and  Poems 

BY    WILLIAM    DEAN    HOWELLS 
* 

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